Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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