And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
