He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
