In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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