You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
