Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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