Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
