I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize