My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
