Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize