I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
