Already got asked if we're dating
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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