it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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