dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
