Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
