Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
