I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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