Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
