Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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