guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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