I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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