Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
