What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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