I look better un-naked...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
