Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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