Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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