I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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