I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
