Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
