In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
