His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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