I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
