***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
