I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
