it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
