I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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