Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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