True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
