Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
