I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's official drugs can't kill me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
that may or may not have been my penis.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
