she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
