Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
