Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
