There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize