Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
