Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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