just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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