So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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