woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
