He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
