dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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