She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
