I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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