oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
