he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
