alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I had to cum in my sink.
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