ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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