obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
