just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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