i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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