I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
