guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my shit smells like andre
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize