She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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