Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
a search helicopter?!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
