we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
