my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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