Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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